No Contact with Sister:
In my previous post I mentioned my struggles with my relationship with my sister and how I was trying to redefine it since it clearly wasn't the 2-way loving street I always hoped for. Especially how little she seemed to care about me unless she was forced to by my (now no contact) mom. It was like this my whole life, but maybe once I went no contact with my mom she felt more free to not bother even more so than before. Which obviously confused me when she had previously done a couple nice things that I really appreciated so then her going back to the same uncaring pattern, just made me realize we just don't have that relationship. And I think now she feels free enough to not hide it, but still felt forced because she would have to report back to my mom about me. But she did a really good job at showing how little she thought or cared about me ... which really hurt since I have nothing but love for her and I feel stupid for trying so hard to make it work when it was never wanted.
She didn't care about the minor bus accident I had, she never bothered checking to see if I was ok, she gave me a uncaring text a few days later vaguely asking along with what she really wanted which was a link to a dog product I sent previously. That's when it really started to sink in and I couldn't just ignore it like I've always done. I've always knew she was pretty self-centred, but I still tried.
I've always tried so hard to make a connection with her, even though I never got even a fraction of her trying back.
It was always me reaching out, trying to brighten her day with videos or posts, asking how she was, offering to give her things, or let her come over for VR (I knew she liked it and she didn't have it). I always offered and even though she only lived 20 mins away with a bf who had a car; even when I gave her a bus pass she still refused to come. Even when she knew I was moving further away, she never met me for something I wanted to give her and refused to meet me even in her own town half way to give her kid the bday present she wanted to give her but couldn't cuz it was sold out there.
I was taken-aback since we literally just had a wonderful time at her house where I let her play VR for hours while I talked with her kid. But it's still only when it's literally served up on a platter for her or her convience that she will then bother acknowledging me. Not even love, just ... like a human being with feelings. Even with a bus pass and knowing my financial situation (I was losing my income and about to be homeless) she wanted me to be the one to go there not the other way around.
When I matched her energy like suggested, I was proven how little I was loved or cared about again (I already knew, but when you grew up in a abusive toxic family dynamic like I was, my brain is quick to "forget" because that's how I could move on being stuck without escape so it just sort of glossed over it, until it happened again, then it was like ... Oh yeah ... you were treated like shit a lot and forgot eh? But let's also bring up those 2 nice things they did out of a mountain of mistreatment so you feel conflicted and horrible.)
Before deciding to also go no contact with my sister, who clearly wanted it but probably didn't think my mom would give her permission. I had told her I'd call her kid to say happy birthday. By then I hadn't heard from her in weeks, so I wasn't sure if she'd just ignore me again and pretend she had a phone glitch weeks later (she forgot I could see her read receipts and these "errors" only happened after I went no contact with my mom). So day of I asked if I could still call her kid for a video happy birthday. She said yes with a time. I called, her kid was such a little sweetie I made sure they knew how awesome they were inside and out before ending things. My sister surprised me by saying I love you after I said I love you to her kid. It was awkward and I didn't think she meant it, but I meant it when I said it back. I just never know when I can say that to her cuz I never hear it from her.
Day after her kid's bday I follow up to ask how her party went. Silence. It said she read it but again she chose not to reply. I stuck to it and matched the energy of not communicating until she did first. No response for the entire month. No Happy Thanksgiving, nothing. It was much harder to decide no contact because of her kid, I didn't want them to feel like I didn't want to talk with them or anything. But that's what my sister always wanted since they were born. They had said right from the start she didn't want her kid to be attached to me. But I also can't have another form of manipulation and controlling behaviour to keep me tied to toxic family abuse either. So I left her text saying I wished her well and that clearly she didn't want any relationship with me despite telling me previously she did when I went no contact with my mom. And that I could see when she ignored me cuz it said read, and that I loved her and her kid but she would not hear from me any longer.
I'm not saying she is a "bad" person. She was just not good, especially like I deserved, to me. And writing the truth is still really hard because I love her and it doesn't paint her in a good light when I say it...
Final 2025 thoughts on family and no contact:
It's indescribable to be let down by the people who use to claim to care about you, then proved they didn't but you put up with it cuz they were "family" and society tells you to. But society isn't the one that has to carry that abuse, they don't have to have that psychological torment, or emotional neglect and 1-way transactional relationship that makes you feel unloved, uncared for and overall shit by ones who are suppose to be there for you but aren't. Blood is not thicker than water in the family sense. I just wish I knew everything in my life was abuse and not normal before 2021. I will spend the remainder of my life healing and free from any further family abuse or toxic family dynamics. I will grieve the family I wish I had, and the loving one I "thought" I had due to survival mode and people pleasing. But I will pick who stays in my life from now on and who has access to my successes and failures with me, not against.
I do wish them happiness and love, but not with me in my life.
I also wish happiness in my life. I truly hope with everything I've been through, I can work my way back to the things that I loved to do in my life, like singing, writing, etc. I just want to be happy. I want to be successful. I really hope my trauma brain will allow me to do that in 2026 now that I have stable housing away from the abuse geography that took place and don't have to do legal proceedings anymore.
